


Blurred Lines

by mlcoffee98



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:20:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29060430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlcoffee98/pseuds/mlcoffee98
Summary: Jaemin and Renjun, the best of friends set the lines between platonic and romantic love.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 76





	Blurred Lines

**Author's Note:**

> before we get started, i would like to thank eca and ji for helping me with this long af fic 💞 idk what I would’ve done without their help. also there’s smut in here, i put //s at the start and at the end so that you could easily skip it when you don’t feel comfortable reading it!
> 
> so without further ado...

_“So you’re taking Jisung out on a date?”_

Renjun asked Chenle, his cousin, fixing the creases of his hoodie in the bathroom of their condo. The younger hummed as a response. _"If going to a mobile game tournament together and kicking some ass is a date, then so be it. I wouldn't mind."_

_“So when are you gonna take Jaemin out?”_ Chenle teasingly asked his cousin which earned a slap on his arm. He yelped at the sudden pain but he couldn’t stop giggling, seeing Renjun cringe and flustered at the same time. 

_“I’m not going to, Chenle-ya. Don’t make things hard for me.”_ Renjun retorted while tousling his cousin’s hair. Chenle whined and slightly pushed him away as he leaned in close to the mirror, fixing his hair. 

_“Well if you think about it, I’m trying to make things easier for you, ge.”_

_“You’re not helping either.”_

_“You know… you and Jaemin have done a looooot of questionable things, and it makes me wonder why you guys are still… in denial stage.”_ Chenle warily glanced at Renjun through the mirror. 

Renjun scoffed. _“Me and Jaemin?_ _What do you mean by questionable things? I don’t see anything wrong.”_

Chenle turned and looked at his cousin with a frown on his face. _“Are you really sure about that, huh?”_

Renjun slightly nodded, quite confident that he could dismiss all of those preposterous claims in a snap. 

A brief background: He and Jaemin have been friends since sophomore college year. They were partnered together for an organization event to handle the Promotions team. Jaemin focused more on the photography aspect while Renjun is leaning towards design. It’s funny how they clicked so easily because of sharing the same interests for art and design, and their friendship blossomed even after working together for an event. Sooner, they became the best of friends, and he’s pretty sure nothing’s going on between them, right? 

**Chenle’s Story**

Chenle admits that he’s not at the condo frequently. He does everything at the nearest computer shop: playing games, typing research papers, studying. Name it. People would actually think he’s living there, but yes he does sleep, take a bath and get his valuable things at the condo. 

Although he kinda wishes that he’s living at the computer shop because whenever he goes back to the condo, he would always catch Jaemin and Renjun together. There’s nothing wrong with that supposedly. It should’ve been what Chenle expected since they’re best friends after all, but his eyes are not ready to see the greasiness and the touch starvation. 

One time, he came home after winning two rounds with Jisung. It was during the first few months of his junior life in college. He entered the condo with the lights off. He thought that there’s no electricity, but that’s not the case since he managed to use the elevator on the way there. So the only plausible reason left is that Renjun might be asleep as we speak… but he could smell the fragrance of scented candles. He could also hear two distinct but mumbling voices he already recognized, discussing something he couldn’t fathom. 

He peered through from the distance and saw a candle-lit room: candle on the side table, and two bodies sitting beside each other on the floor. He thought they were playing spirit of the glass, but his eyes squinted when he spotted his cousin leaning on Jaemin’s shoulder, holding hands. 

He was beyond bewildered to see them in such an affectionate state, especially for Renjun. His cousin seems like the type of guy who’d feel nauseous at the slightest physical touch while Jaemin on the other hand, is a known reserved flirt. He tiptoed to take a peek once more if they were unmistakably holding hands, and his eyes confirmed it. 

He thought it was normal between best friends to hold hands, but he realized he couldn’t even do that to Jisung without any hesitation. He had every opportunity to barge in but he decided to eavesdrop. Besides, he wanted some updates too, so he hid for awhile. 

_“Jaemin-ah,... how do people figure out the path they wanna take after graduation? I am still uncertain on what to do after all this… I envy people who already have their life figured out, they just need to fulfill their goals. Ugh, I should’ve been active in several organizations then maybe there’s some spice in my resume yet know that I’m just an average student trying to submit requirements and get a passing grade. I feel like I’m inadequate enough for what lies ahead.”_

_“Hey, Injun-ah… don’t be disheartened. For one, not everyone has plotted a blueprint of their future, so you’re not alone. Plus, you never know… there’s a possibility that the people you envy are forced to fulfill whatever their parents’ fantasy is. If not, then good for them. Besides, there’s no solid equation to formulate a personalized destination for you because this takes a lot of judgment. You have your own pace of searching for what you desire and there’s no rush since this doesn’t have an impending tight deadline. You’re free to breathe in and prudently deliberate a life-changing moment. Aside from that, the fact that I got an internship in spite of being inactive means they accept people based on grades and skills. Organization is just a simulation but it’s entirely different from the real thing. No one will ever be THAT prepared for adulting, you just need to have a great support system and perseverance on how far we’re willing to go.”_

Chenle could hear Renjun gasp and, based by his tone, he was impressed by what Jaemin said. _“Wow… I thought we’ll drink a bottle and drown our sorrows of our apprehensions yet… that was legit some great advice. Thanks!”_

_“Learned from the best, whom is you… so whenever you need someone to guide you, I’ll be here always.”_

The room became silent. Chenle wondered what’s going on, and gasped when he saw Jaemin pressing a soft gentle kiss on Renjun’s forehead (end). 

\--- 

_“YAAAA, what’s wrong with your best friend saying encouraging words to lift up my mood? Can’t friends support each other now?”_ Renjun exclaimed, scratched his head. 

_“That’s not the point!”_ Chenle took a deep sigh and seemed vexed that he needed to explain what Renjun overlooked. _“My point is do you kiss someone’s forehead platonically??”_

_“In that context, it’s a form of comfort!”_ Renjun defended. _“They say actions speak louder than words, so I’d understand that it’s his way of showing his compassion as a long time friend.”_

Chenle snarled, running a hand through his hair. 

_“It could mean a lot of things! Fine, hyung… if Hyuck, your childhood best friend / neighbor, came running to you with a problem, would you kiss Hyuck’s fore—?”_ Chenle interjected his question with a laugh. 

Renjun’s face was fuming with anger, he was literally about to throw hands, but the younger dodged the attack. _“Ew! Oh god, no! That’s a disgusting analogy, Chenle-ya.”_

 _“What? It has the same context!”_ Chenle couldn’t stop giggling over his example. 

_“We both know that I am bad at expressing so much love compared to Jaemin… also it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is something. It only becomes different once someone is deeply affected by it, and the fact that Jaemin and I are still friends, then there’s nothing wrong with that.”_ Renjun asserted but Chenle was still unconvinced. He narrated another encounter with them inside the condo. 

**Chenle’s Story 2.0**

Chenle became strongly immune to their cohesive auras due to how they constantly cuddle one another. Spooning your best friend is already debatable, but Chenle expressed his amusement to the aftermath because he’d always perceive Renjun hiding beneath the sheets, but he can evidently see the outline of his hand brushing against his waist, trying to enjoy the replicated mellow coziness. Renjun’s mouth even slightly gaped at how sensitive he is when his hand is going lower and lower—(end).

\---

 _“HEY, I DON’T DO THAT! Chenle, stop making stories about me having sexual fantasies of my best friend!”_ Renjun felt outraged by how he’s depicted. 

_“Am I wrong?”_ Chenle quipped. 

_“Yes totally wrong!”_ Renjun’s voice became stern. 

_“But are you falling in love with him?”_

_“No… I—I’m not.”_

Chenle grimaced at his hesitation. He side-eyed his cousin. As he opened the bathroom mirrored cabinet, he argued, _“Fine, how would you know if you like someone for real?”._ He took his toothbrush and went straight near to the doorstep to place it inside his dark blue duffel bag. 

_“When you’re happy with that person,... and that you can fully trust them.”_ Renjun pursed his lips, thinking about other ways to know when you’re in love just to prove that he’s not smitten by his best friend’s charms. 

_“Don’t you feel that with your best—,”_ Renjun shushed him, and continued. 

_“It's the person you’d think about most of the time. Longing for that person to come.”_

There was a long pause, thinking it was the end of the conversation but Chenle outsmarted him. 

_“So the fact when I told you I’ll be out for a day or two, you immediately thought of Jaemin if he could stay over. I'm also pretty sure you're even waiting for him to arrive right now. So does that mean you romantically like—Ow!"_

Chenle received another slap on his arm from cousin. _“YA! Stop hitting me.”_ he scowled.

_“Stop saying nonsense.”_

_“You know I make sense.”_

Renjun snickered. _“Whatever.”_

So Chenle grabbed his bag, his other hand ready to twist the doorknob, but he looked at him for one last time and said, _“All I’m saying is you guys are spending too much time together, why don’t you just… you know, be together.”_

_“Just because we’re always together doesn’t mean we should be together.”_

_"Just because you're in denial doesn't mean you actually don't feel that way."_

All of the sudden, they heard the doorbell. Chenle smirked, knowing who was on the other side of the door and he instantly opened it to reveal that it was really Jaemin. The visitor smiled from ear to ear as he raised a box of pizza for Renjun to see from afar.

_“Oh look, your food’s here. Gotta go.”_

Chenle winked at his cousin before he left. Jaemin went inside the condo and placed the food on the table. He noticed how Renjun was somehow a bit off with the way he's behaving around him. 

_"Let me guess, he wants us to hook up._ " Jaemin initiated the conversation. Renjun nodded. They giggled at the absurdity and brushed it off.

×××

They spent the whole night with dimmed lights. They're lying down together on the bunk bed, watching When Harry Met Sally on Renjun's laptop. They were both invested in the movie, so as soon as the classic motion picture ended, they shared their thoughts about the movie. They had like a critique analysis of their banter dynamic, admiring the right kind of slow burn and its impact on the characters until Renjun brought up his non existent love life. So did Jaemin. 

_“Have you ever wondered, why do they stumble over problematic people? Crumbling their dignity for the sake of love?”_ Renjun shot up to a sitting position and looked at Jaemin sprawled on the bed. 

_“It’s the young adolescent dream with the cherry on top. The trope has been oversensualized to teens, they thought being rehabilitation centers for the broken and unhinged attitude is love.”_ as Jaemin is lying down on his side, his arm in a crook, head propped on his hand.

_“Do we have to be that twisted to be in love?”_

_“We don’t need to be. With the right person, no.”_

Renjun slouched down, his eyebrows furrowed. _“Do you think the right person would actually love me for my philosophical insights in life?”_

 _“Of course. Why wouldn’t they? Maturity is sexy.”_ Jaemin blatantly answered while having this cheeky grin and raised an eyebrow on him. He tried to lighten up the mood of the conversation but it was brought down by Renjun’s self-deprecating thoughts.

_“They’d think I am boring cutie pie.”_

_“I think you’re degrading yourself a bit too much.”_

_“What? It’s true!"_ Renjun looked down, pouted. 

Jaemin sighed. He sat up on the bed, holding the older’s hands. _“Injun-ah, I’ve known you for a long time and I can assure you that someone will love you. If only people could see what I see.”_

He looked up and was greeted with his warm, genuine smile. _“Well, what do you see?”_

_“I see a small guy—,”_

_“You bitch! I thought we’re having a real talk and you mentioned my height?”_ he exclaimed as he pulled away from him, feeling slightly offended.

 _“Wait, wait. Let me finish it first before you react.”_ He expressed his sincerity as he tries to reach for his hands, holding them into place. He glowered at him suspiciously, but gave in to the touch anyway. 

_“I see a small guy but with wits and good looks. I will always applaud you for your independence because most people would resort to giving up so easily. And your height doesn’t match with your feistiness. You’d square up and engage in either verbal or physical combat. Not a lot of people are willing to do that anymore. That’s how much you love a person. You may see yourself as a boring cutie pie but you’re more than that. You are a precious human being with a surplus of hope.”_

His words touched Renjun’s heart, that someone sees him in that way. Tears welled up in his eyes. 

_“No one could love me in that way.”_ Renjun sobbed.

 _“Don’t say that...”_ Jaemin caressed his cheek, wiping his tears away from his beady eyes. 

_“I mean I would.”_ he continued, staring lovingly at Renjun, but he raised his eyebrows, shock crossed his face when the older told him, _“Then show me what being loved feels like.”  
  
_

_“Injunnie, I don’t think—,”_

_“Then don’t think.”_

Renjun pulled Jaemin in for a kiss. Their lips pressed against each other, slowly tilting their heads and enjoying this delirious feeling of being loved, seeking warmth and serenity. Jaemin’s lips may be a bit dry but he didn’t mind, not when his lips are doing God’s work to quench his thirst, pampering him with affection. Renjun’s hands ran up to his sides, pulling him closer. He never felt this intimate with his best friend, but goddamn it felt so comfortable. It felt like everything is in place for as long as he's with Jaemin. 

Renjun pulled away, which made Jaemin chase for his lips. Their eyes still closed, their foreheads touch, only an inch away to revel in the delight once more. Jaemin opened his eyes, felt his heart drop when he realized and saw Renjun exposed another side of him that probably no one would ever know; delicate but exquisite. Jaemin stroked his blushing cheeks, the older purred into the soothing touch. 

_“Sleep with me.”_ Renjun mumbled. 

_“S—sleep with you?”_ Jaemin’s eyes blinked wildly. 

_“I mean…”_ Renjun is snapped back to reality. He slightly moved away from him, looking down and tapped twice on the bed, signaling that he’ll stay there with him, “ _Don’t go up.”_

 _“Oh… y—yeah, of course.”_ Jaemin stuttered but complied to his wishes. They were both lying down on the same bed together, but they weren’t facing each other. They tried to sleep back-to-back, with so much space in between them, but their minds go back to the tender kiss they shared a few moments ago. It’ll probably be a part of the list of their sleepless nights. 

×××

The morning came.

Jaemin’s eyes are lidded but they don’t deceive him. Upon the soft sheets, his groggy vision could pinpoint a brunette boy wearing his mint green hoodie, frying an egg in a pan. He could smell the sizzling bacon from afar. Renjun heard the slightest movement from the bed which made him turn around and see Jaemin getting up from bed, moving towards him. 

_“Oh you’re awake.”_ he said with so much delight. 

_“You know how to cook?”_ Jaemin asked, his mouth slightly agape from the way he set up the table and sat down. 

_“Just a little.”_ Renjun replied with a tiny bit of hand gesture. He turned off the stove and placed the bacon on their plates. He sat down and set his eyes on the breakfast he made. 

_“What? You’re little?”_ Jaemin teased him as he started to slice the bacon. He briefly chuckled before the older shot a glare at him. Jaemin looked at the other side, feeling guilty. Renjun grabbed the plastic bag from the side, rummaged through some things and slammed two sachets of coffee right in front of him. 

_“Make your own breakfast then.”_ he sulked. 

_“I’m kidding, Injun-ah… woah!”_ Jaemin recognized his favorite coffee brand and held onto them like it’s been a long time since he last saw it. _“You bought this?”_

_“You think?”_ he hurled back. Somehow, Jaemin couldn’t care less about Renjun’s passive aggressive tone. His tense composure around him started to melt away with two mere sachets, painting a smile on his face. 

_“Thank you.”_ Jaemin said to him. He saw the older’s contempt smile while he was eating. 

×××

Ever since that night, their relationship slowly becomes obscure by developing new habits. Their interaction would seem like the usual but underneath comes the tinge of romantic advances without even discussing whatever happened that night… and they thought their friends wouldn’t spot the difference. 

_“So Jaemin, would you care to elaborate whatever’s going on with you and Renjun?”_ Jeno interrogated his twin brother and Jaemin wheezed hearing his question. They were at the cafeteria with Hyuck, Jeno’s boyfriend, eating lunch before going to their afternoon class. 

_“What do you mean?”_ Jaemin feigning innocence. 

_“We’re not that dumb, Nana.”_ Hyuck blurted out. 

_“You think we wouldn’t notice?”_ Jeno added. 

_“Do you want us to enumerate the instances?”_

Jaemin hummed as a response and gestured to tell him what they have observed for the past few days. 

**Hyuck’s story**

As a friendly neighbor, Hyuck visited Renjun during Christmas day at his house, hopefully his presence would ruin the day and of course, to play with Daegal, Chenle’s dog. Renjun’s parents have known Hyuck ever since they were little so they didn’t mind him joining in. They even asked him if he wanted to eat some of the dishes from the feast. 

Chenle, Renjun and Hyuck spent the day playing games on Nintendo Switch and with Daegal alternatively. It was indeed exhausting, so they thought they should end the day with the classic, chicken and beer. They went out with Renjun as the driver. I mean, Renjun has a driver’s license so nothing would happen right?

_“YAAAA RENJUN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_ ” Hyuck pestered him, jokingly teased the way Renjun drove. Chenle shrieked out of fear and excitement. 

Profanities and laughter were let out as Renjun rushed to the few seconds left before the traffic sign turned orange. Fortunately, they arrived at the convenience store and bought a set of 4 classic soju and the triple J booze (Jack Daniel’s, Black Label and Cuervo) with the help of Chenle’s credit card. As soon as they were placed inside the car trunk, they went home safely. 

_“We made it, okay?? We’re still alive. You’re welcome?”_ Renjun stated as Chenle and Hyuck had this judgmental look at him. 

_“Chenle, remind me to get myself some life insurance before I get in a car ride with Renjun ever again.”_ Hyuck noted to himself. He was slapped on the arm by Renjun. 

The night is still young yet you see the young and wasted, dancing to the beat of Red Velvet’s Zimzalabim. Despite Hyuck being drunk, he observed how Renjun had been preoccupied with his phone all day, waiting for the phone to ring. It’s obvious with his crimson cheeks and the way he smiles sheepishly while typing that he’s hiding something. He never mentioned any suitor he’s entertaining for the past few months. 

Hyuck leaned on Renjun’s shoulder, pretending to sleep, only to glance upon his phone to identify the mystery person. Apparently, the person is concerned for Renjun’s welfare, considering he also drank a lot. More importantly, he recognized who it was because luckily, he could read Hangul… and it was Jaemin (end).

\---

 _“You might have seen it wrong… you’re tipsy, that’s not reliable enough.”_ Jaemin averted his gaze away from his friends, hastily eating his lunch. They only have 10 minutes left and they have to walk for 5 minutes to arrive at the classroom, but it seems like both of his companions have no plans to attend the next class. Still, he had to at least try. 

_“Don’t we have a class after this?”_ Jaemin tried to change the topic but it was ineffective because they decided to cut the next class, to corner their friend in a crossfire investigation about his “friendship" with Renjun. Well if both of his friends are cutting, then what’s the sense of attending? So they stayed at the cafeteria. _“I’ll present you a strong case, Nana.”_ as Jeno opened the conversation again. 

**Jeno’s story**

Jeno and Jaemin share the same bedroom, so basically the former sees and hears everything. 

Like. Everything.

He could see Jaemin is always on a call with Renjun (sometimes with their camera on). He could hear Jaemin listening to Renjun’s soothing voice recordings every single night. Everything that comes out of Jaemin’s lips is Renjun, especially at night with his eyes closed, the way he sensually pleaded— (end)

\---

 _“WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING? That I’m jerking off to the thought of my best friend?”_ Jaemin cuts him off but he could feel his cheeks burning up, and both of them nod. 

Jaemin tried to persuade Hyuck, pointing at himself. 

_“Hyuck, don’t listen to Jeno. I know you’re whipped for my twin but I’m not that type of person. Listen to the facts coming from me.”_ He just nods at him with a complementing sarcastic tone of “mhmm, sure”. 

_“Nice try, Jaemin but I know for a fact too that my boyfriend doesn't lie.”_ The couple high fived while the younger let out an exasperated sigh. 

_“I could never really win with you two.”_ Jaemin felt defeated. On the other hand, Jeno and Hyuck anticipated an answer from him, but he couldn’t. 

For a moment, they heard the chatter from the crowd, frying dishes, the sound of tinkling utensils but in that long silence between them, he contemplated. It was a struggle for him to actually ignore and forget about the kiss because he knows to himself that once he continuously ponders on the tenderness of such, the more he couldn't control himself to fall in love. But then what's wrong with falling in love with your best friend? If an apocalypse would break out, he'd prefer to be with him for the rest of his living days because he knows him all too well and vice versa. It's a good option, but he knows that what he feels is more than just out of convenience, but he couldn’t decipher one thing… if his attraction is mainly due to peer pressure. They’ve been teased together by their friends for years, probably almost their whole college life, so he has some doubts of its veracity. 

And once he would acknowledge these feelings and tell it to someone, there's no turning back. 

_“I haven’t really thought about it yet, to be honest.”_ Jaemin lied, kept a straight face looking at his companions while Jeno and Hyuck seemed unfazed, their minds screaming out to him that he does like him, maybe more than he even knows. 

_“I’ve been so busy studying this semester that it never crossed his mind to classify what I feel for him.”_ A total lie. He does think about it every night because his heart doesn’t feel at ease. It continuously beats but he doesn’t if it’s for the right reason. 

_“Well, how do you know when you’re in love with someone?”_ Jeno asked him, slowly trying to leave crumbs to make him arrive at the same point. 

_“When this person had an impact on me and I would continuously grow to become a better person.”_ Jaemin answered in an instant. 

_“Don’t you feel that around him?”_

_“I…”_

The conversation died down in an instant when they saw Renjun’s name displayed on Jaemin’s phone, calling him. He answered him, tapped on the loudspeaker. 

_“Mm Injun ah?”_ Jaemin greeted. 

_“Renjuuun-ah, cut your class with us!”_ Hyuck shouted. 

“ _So you’re with Hyuck… and too late, the professor’s already here… and you guys left me alone here in this class?!? You guys could’ve at least texted and I would gladly join you.”_ They could tell by tone that he’s furious but they also found it cute so it wasn’t really taken seriously as Renjun expected. 

_“Aww so cuuute!”_ Hyuck teased. 

_“Thank you for the notes!”_ Jeno added. 

_“Ah shut up!”_ Renjun retorted. 

_“Have fun in Theology.”_ Jeno mocked him, but Renjun had already dropped the call. _“You know… he always does that to me.”_ he sneered. Jaemin patted his shoulder and said comforting but with a sarcastic tone, saying it’s alright. Hyuck played along with Jaemin. 

×××

An hour later, Renjun approached Jaemin at the cafeteria after class. _“Where did the couple go?”_ he asked him. 

_“Oh, thesis meeting. They just left like… a couple of seconds ago.”_ Jaemin pointed at the figure of the couple leaving the cafeteria. Then he stood up from his chair and wore his backpack. _"Lunch?"_

Renjun nodded eagerly and they went out of the university together. Once they arrived at the condo, they sat beside each other and ate lunch together. 

This is the usual routine ever since Jeno is busy with his thesis. It came to a point that Jaemin would be in the library beyond midnight, waiting for his twin to finish their thesis work. It would’ve been okay if they live really near so that Jaemin could easily go home but that’s not the case. He has to wait for Jeno so they can drive all the way home. Coincidentally, Renjun had been complaining about being lonely and alone in the condo, so to pass the time, Jaemin would accompany him until Jeno would pick him up. 

Several hours have passed, they already ate dinner and finished a couple of readings and papers. Jaemin saw Renjun’s sunken eyes as they stayed up until almost midnight, waiting for Jeno to arrive. 

_“Seems like your twin is still at school at this ungodly hour.”_ Renjun checked the time from his phone. 

_“Last time I checked, they’re gonna present the developed solution to the client’s meeting, so they’re still finalizing everything for tomorrow.”_ Jaemin assumed, and drank a mouthful of a caffeine-based energy drink.

 _“How about Chenle? Out again with Jisung?”_ Jaemin asked even if he already knew the answer. _“Yeah, at the computer shop as usual.”_

Jaemin snorted. _“I feel like I live here more than Chenle.”_ And they laughed together, then it died down a few minutes after. 

_“Ahh I’m tired.”_ Renjun felt frustrated, letting out a deep sigh and slightly throwing away his Theology readings on the table, but picking them up later on. His head resting on one hand, staring into space until he was snapped back to reality when he was abruptly asked by Jaemin, _“How do you know when you’re in it for the feeling or for the person?”_

He lifted his head up to meet with Jaemin’s eyes. 

_“It’s for my friend.”_ The younger excused. 

_“Oh… well your friend can differentiate it using the help of a specific circumstance. Example, when you wanna talk to someone, if you’re enthralled by the feeling, then you can also talk to other people since it gives off the same experience. On the other hand, if you’re invested in someone, you just wanna talk to the person alone.”_ Renjun explained, completely unaware that the question is related to their “forgotten” kiss. 

_“Well is there a way for you to figure out what the other feels without confessing yet?”_

The older slightly chuckled, slouched down on his seat. _“The more you bond with the person, the more you realize the changes in between. You can figure out by how drastic it became.”_

 _“Isn’t it scary that maybe this person wouldn’t reciprocate the feeling?”_ Jaemin looked down, and had this wistful look. 

_“But that’s the exhilarating part of life. Take example with arranged marriages, yes your life is decided to marry this person but there’s no thrill because you already know the endgame. Unlike us, we don’t know before it comes, so we always prepare for the worst, and there’s a little hope that might end up to what we want.”_ Jaemin’s eyes were glimmered with hope as he looked at how Renjun enthusiastically and genuinely answered the question. 

_“Although there are two indisputable approaches you can do if you really want to know... but confrontation is necessary after doing at least one of these. One is jealousy, because even if it’s toxic, why would you feel jealous when there’s nothing in between. Another is through one kiss to determine the intention.”_ Renjun continued as he held his gaze on Jaemin. 

_“I think… I remember my friend telling me that they kissed, but it ended up becoming more confusing.”_ Jaemin’s embarrassment crept in, blushing because he recalled the night they kissed. 

_“Oh… well, did your friend want to kiss the same person again or it’s just a one-time, big time?”_

_“From what I’ve heard… the first one.”_

_“Then I think your friend already has an answer, just not ready to internalize it yet.”_

_“Yeah, I already have the answer.”_

Their unflinching stares, hypnotic enough to slowly lean towards each other, connecting their lips together. Jaemin cupped his cheeks, his heart throbbing for the person in front of him while Renjun melted into his touch, held onto him as his hands wavered through the strands of his hair. Jaemin slid his hands down his sides, pulling him even closer to deepen the kiss and suck on his tongue as he riled him up. He could hear the older’s wanton moan, savouring the fleeting touch of their lips, pleading for more. Renjun didn’t break the kiss as he maneuvered his way to sit on the younger’s lap, wrapping his legs around his waist. Jaemin’s hands kept on caressing his waist down to his thighs. 

Renjun pulled away, only to leave gentle kisses on Jaemin’s neck. The younger groaned at the sudden advancement as the older started rolling his hips and grinding on his bulge, but he didn’t mind. This was the only time he wished Jeno would stay for longer as he’s bucking his hips up, tightening his grip. Jaemin felt lightheaded as Renjun gradually picked up his pace, making his lips slightly gape from the friction. Nothing is ever resolved by kisses and moans yet their minds are clouded with desire for one another’s crotch… touch, I mean. 

They were instantly split apart by surprise when they heard a knock on the door. They both looked over and heard Jeno calling out Jaemin’s name. 

_“Uhh, Jeno is here.”_ Jaemin laughed dryly, scratched his head, hurriedly packed up his things. 

_“Yeah umm… it’s already late.”_ Renjun nodded. He gulped nervously. Jaemin stood up and he was about to leave until he was pulled back in by Renjun for a quick kiss on his cheeks. _“See you tomorrow?”_ he smiled at him. 

Jaemin felt flustered, _“See you._ ” he managed to slip out, and left the condo with Jeno. 

\---

Jeno is driving on the way to their house while Jaemin sits on the passenger’s seat. Most of the ride back home, he was only admiring the view outside. His mind spaced out and brought back to reality when he was greeted with a question, “ _Felt like I interrupted something, huh?”_

 _“Huh? Nothing!”_ Jaemin exclaimed. 

Jeno snickered. _“Lips don’t lie.”_ he pointed at his lips while his other hand on the steering wheel. Jaemin instantly covered it with his hand. Jeno just laughed at him, _“It’s okay.”_

Jaemin pouted, felt embarrassed, hugging his backpack even tighter and burying his face on it. 

×××

Few weeks later, Jaemin told Renjun that he would be gone for three days due to an outdoor volunteer event. He and Jeno volunteered to help the kids, educating them with basic knowledge and also share life stories that may inspire them to strive better. 

Renjun didn’t mind at all, in fact he supported him. He thought that things would still remain the same even after his best friend’s absence… 

After his afternoon class, Renjun asked Hyuck out for lunch because he’s famished and he wants some company. He hasn’t eaten all day yet Hyuck rainchecked on it. He has to meet up with his friends for their thesis, but he did promise that they’ll eat lunch together the next day.

So he went to his condo alone, with sadness lingering on him. He ate his lunch alone. He studied alone. He has to endure working on his remaining school requirements alone. Thankfully, Chenle is in the condo this time around with Jisung but they’re playing games most of the time on the top bunk of the bunk bed. 

The day seems so exhausting even if he really didn’t do much. He lost his motivation to study, so he went straight to the bed. He closed his eyes, his arm resting on top of his head. He heavily sighed and murmured, _“Na Jaemin, what do I do with you?”_

\---

The pining feeling prolonged on the next day. 

Hyuck and Renjun were in the restaurant, buying lunch. They were both in the same line for the food but they both saw the place is starting to get crowded. 

Renjun patted his shoulder and said, _“I’ll reserve us some seats while you order for me.”_

Hyuck hummed as a response but before Renjun could walk away, he asked him what his order was. _“The usual…”_ Renjun uttered. 

_“Which is??”_ Hyuck looked so perplexed and annoyed with his answer, not knowing what it meant. Renjun realized his mistake and told him his usual order. He reserved two seats for both of them, and he waited for several minutes. While waiting, he realized that Jaemin usually orders food for him because he knows the food combination he likes. Oh, how much Renjun missed him that he’s staring out into space, worried about Jaemin’s welfare or how his day went. All of his thoughts vanished when Hyuck came with the food. 

It felt so good to talk to his childhood friend after a very long time. They never really had time together since Hyuck has been preoccupied with organizing events, thesis… and being on several dates with Jeno. They might have stayed for several hours, laughing out loud with the recounted stories. Their conversations went on until Hyuck noticed a pattern. 

_“So what’s the deal between you and Jaemin?”_ Hyuck asked him upfront. Renjun was a bit taken aback by the question, slightly shaking hearing Jaemin’s name.

_“We’re just best friends… that’s all.”_

_“Yet you always talk about him though.”_

_“Since when have I ever?”_

_“Didn’t you just rant about him like a few minutes ago for not texting you back yesterday after he left.”_

Renjun snorted. He looked at the side, _“W-what? No I didn’t.”_ There was a long pause. 

_“But seriously though, why didn’t he text back? He said he would. Did Jeno at least message you?”_ Renjun pouted and looked at his cellphone. He kept on refreshing if there were new notifications. He looked at Hyuck when the latter chuckled. He had this sly smile on his face that Renjun really felt the urge to punch it off. 

_“You know… I never thought I’d see you this clingy."_

_“I am not clingy!”_ Renjun shouted, felt offended and almost wanted to puke on saying the last word. 

_“Yeah yeah sure, we’ll see about that.”_

×××

The day has come for his return. 

The twins came back from the trip. Jeno dropped Jaemin off the Renjun’s condo building while the former went straight to the house. Jaemin was greeted by Renjun running towards him, giving him a warm tight embrace. Jaemin was flustered, melted into the warmth of the hug and held him tight. 

It was disrupted when they could hear Chenle’s laugh from afar. _“Jaemin hyung! He said he missed you a lot.”_ He commented. 

Apparently, Chenle and Jisung were on the way out of the condo, grabbing their things to go to the nearest computer shop, and witnessed everything unfold. Renjun pulled away and hissed. He shot a glare at Chenle, his eyes widened, signalling him to shut up. 

_“You know one time he said.”_

Then Chenle copied Renjun’s deep sigh and uttered “ _Na J—”._ Renjun hurriedly covered Chenle’s mouth before he could say anything else. They could hear the muffled noises as Renjun dragged him out of the condo. Jisung and Jaemin courtly nodded at each other before the younger duo headed to the shop.

When they were left alone, Jaemin approached him for a back hug and Renjun gave in. He definitely missed him either way so he tightened the hug. The older could feel the younger’s lips on the crook of his neck, inhaling the aromatic lavender scent, and somehow his mind wanted Jaemin to mark up his neck with his kisses but he shuddered at the lewd thought, trying not to be smothered by him. He tapped his arm, wanting to break away from the back hug. 

He loosened his grip, letting him go. Renjun turned around and asked, _“Why did you come here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be at home with Jeno? Probably resting?”_

 _“I wanted to talk…”_ Jaemin spoke gently. 

Renjun knows what he’s pertaining to but he’s acting innocently, batting his eyelashes. 

_“I wanted to talk about us.”_ Jaemin clarified.

_“Uhh… what about it?”_

Renjun could already sense that Jaemin feels anxious by the way he moves around. He keeps on stuttering, standing upright with a tensed composure. 

_“Do you… perhaps… feel like…”_

_“Feel like what?”_

_“Like… forced?”_

Renjun raised his eyebrow on him. 

_“No, I don’t. I know we’ve been teased a lot but when I’m with you… or when we kissed… twice for that matter… it’s not forced.”_

_“Why do you?”_

Jaemin could feel his heart racing, pounding even faster by the nerve-wracking feeling. He couldn’t form the right words to say, and if he’s conveying it right. It’s his first time to confess after all. 

_“I don’t… it’s just that… I wanted to ask you… umm well… if you want to stop… whatever this is?”_

Jaemin averted his gaze away from Renjun, trying to not see his initial reaction, but Renjun felt a pang on his chest. 

_“Nana, why are you asking me this?”_

_“Just answer the goddamn question, Injun-ah.”_ Jaemin’s voice was stern. 

_“I don’t! I don’t wanna stop this.”_ Renjun exclaimed. 

This stirred Jaemin up. He doesn’t want this, whatever they call this kind of friendship. He doesn’t want to stop kissing Renjun but he figured it was for the best to cut ties with this ongoing sexual frustrations before he’d get too attached to the older. He can’t keep playing with his heart, thinking that maybe Renjun feels something for him too. 

_“Well, I can’t do this anymore… it’s too much for me. I just can't!”_ Jaemin shouted. 

_“Why would it be too much for you?”_

_“Because if we keep doing this, the more I fall in love with you and I don't think I can hold it in anymore.”_ Jaemin confessed. His world stopped at that moment. 

He already anticipated this moment wherein their friendship is on the line once he admitted his feelings. He may not have been ready to let this friendship go but he doesn’t feel any regrets to finally say what he’s been hiding for several weeks or so. 

Renjun moved an inch closer, reaching for his hand and holding onto it. _“Well… Then there’s nothing to stop… because I am also falling in love with you.”_

In one swift pull of Renjun’s hands, they smashed their lips together. The older kept on kissing him, sucking his bottom lip. It felt so unreal, seeing Renjun holding onto him so tightly, he wrapped his arms around his neck, and feeling his soft plush lips against his. Jaemin gave in, keeping up with the older’s eagerness and sucking on his tongue. He pushed Renjun up against the wall. As Jaemin pinned the smaller boy’s wrists to the wall, his kisses trailed down to his neck. 

_“Fuck,”_ Renjun cussed out while Jaemin kissed a certain sensitive spot. He kept on nibbling that spot. 

_“Don’t you think…”_ Renjun pants. Jaemin’s hands slide under his shirt, roaming around his waist. 

_“this feels… a bit rushed?”_ He breathed out. 

Jaemin pulled away and looked at him, his hair ruffled and the only thing Renjun could look at is his swollen parted lips. His lips started to explore Renjun. 

_“We’ve known each other for too long…”_ Every word Jaemin says, he keeps on leaving gentle kisses down to his collarbones. _“And if my twin brother didn't come last time, I think our pent up sexual frustrations would have gone all the way.”_ Jaemin’s eyes hooded with lust, undressing him with his eyes. 

_"Unless, you don’t want to?"_ his stare has gone soft, slowly pulling away from him, but Renjun didn't want that either. 

_"Well, Nana… I only want you."_

Jaemin lifted him up and led them to Renjun’s bed in caution, careful enough to not hit Renjun’s head to the bed frame. Once Jaemin hovered above him on the bed, his hands slid down to the older’s brief, and started palming his length, applying a maddening pressure. 

_“S-stop teasing—ahggh,”_ Renjun huffed but he couldn’t help but moan at the last word, as Jaemin started to jerk him off with slow pace. He bit his lip sensually and whined as he gradually set a brutal rhythm. Jaemin never thought this moment would come. He only went there to confess, not to see his best friend throw his head back, eyes scrunched, reducing into a moaning mess and making him cum. 

_“Ah fuck, put it on me.”_ Renjun whined. They were about to remove the irritating clothing but everything was ruined when they heard the door creaked. Jaemin collapsed on the side, his chest against the older’s back. It looks like he was spooning Renjun. They could infer from the slam of the door and his stomping feet, this person’s blood is boiling with hatred. 

_“Hah. That Jisung motherfucker… after everything we’ve been through together.”_ As the person spoke out, they recognized it as Chenle. 

Chenle was weirded out when he saw their position on the bed… I mean yeah from afar, it looks like a simple cuddle but what draws him near is how he spotted Jaemin’s hand near Renjun’s crotch. 

_“Are you guys trying to sleep or have sex?”_

Renjun pretended to wake up from hearing his voice, stretching his arms and legs. He tried to keep his eyes half lidded, _“Oh Chenle, you’re here.”_ he said. 

Jaemin mumbled gibberish noises, sounding asleep but he peered through a little to see Chenle frowning and he closed his eyes immediately. Jaemin pulled Renjun even closer to his chest, wrapping his arm around his body with a hidden agenda for Renjun to feel his big and half hard bulge in between his butt cheeks, tauntingly teasing him of what he’s been missing out on. The older throws his head back slightly from the contact, sending arousal down to his spine, making it seem like a part of his stretching routine to wake up. 

_“Sorry…”_ Chenle spoke softly. 

_“You guys should sleep more. I’ll just go up.”_

_“Chenle yaaa,”_ Renjun cleared his throat, which got his attention. _“You shouldn’t keep that on your own. We’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk.”_

And they listened to his ramblings as Chenle sat down on Renjun's bed. He narrated how their blockmates made Jisung pick between Sungchan and him in front of them at the computer shop. Chenle thought he would easily pick him since they've been friends since freshman year. Sungchan is a transfer student from a business course so they've only bonded for a semester or two. Jisung wanted to pick them both but Chenle insisted he should only select one. Unfortunately, Jisung chose Sungchan over him. Chenle never bothered to listen to his explanation as he ditched them and decided to mope around in the condo. 

Renjun beckoned to Chenle. Though the younger chinese was hesitant at first until he was slightly choke slammed by Renjun onto the bed and suddenly enveloped into a cuddle. Jaemin put the blanket on them as an excuse to yank Renjun even closer, engulfing himself to his fragrance and nuzzling his hair. He left chaste kisses on his nape, gentle enough not to emit a puckering sound, sending shivers down to Renjun's spine while his hands roamed around his waist. They unexpectedly sleep in that position where the three are nestled in solicitude. 

×××

_“You’re going out on a weekend? Who are you and what have you done to Na Jaemin?”_ Jeno caught Jaemin tiptoe on the way to the door, which the latter jumped out in surprise and cursed. Jeno is aware that Jaemin is the type who prefers to stay at home forever, listening to indie music than to socialize outside his comfort zone; thus, a typical introverted personality. So his jaw dropped once he saw his twin dressed up in a tan suede jacket with a black shirt underneath and jeans, wearing a sling bag. 

Jaemin stood upright, having a tense composure. He cleared his throat, his eyes wandering around, trying not to gaze upon his twin brother.

 _“Yeah,”_ The younger laughed awkwardly

 _“Who would’ve thought huh?”_ Jaemin forced out a smile. 

Jeno smiled, felt proud of him as he gave him a thumbs up. _“When in doubt, check the compartment box”_ and he winked at him before the younger left. 

As Jaemin went out, he saw a yellow car parked outside of the house. The car window rolled down to reveal Renjun inside, wearing a black coat with a white striped turtleneck sweater. The younger immediately got in and greeted the older with a smile. 

_“Are you ready for some music?”_ Jaemin asked as he connected his phone to the car speakers. Renjun nodded eagerly as he released the handbrake and shifted gears.

On the way to their destination, Renjun felt nervous because his last driving incident was awful. He could totally remember Chenle’s shrieks of fear at the back of his mind. So in return, he’s driving slowly, like a student driver getting accustomed to the feeling. Luckily, Jaemin didn’t mind. In fact, he was beyond grateful since it granted more time together, but of course he started giving him tips on how to drive safely. Sooner when Renjun loosened up with the help of the younger’s soothing playlist, Jaemin’s hand stroked lightly on his thigh, saying it’s alright. Jaemin always had this captivating smile that the older couldn’t resist but his eyes should be on the road. 

As soon as they got in, they were welcomed with darkness, like they were in a cinema watching a movie. The concept of the museum is to immerse into the aesthetic of moving paintings projected with the lights off and a good sound system. This provides an exciting experience as people would truly concentrate on every detail of the color palette, the feel of every brush stroke, admiring different angles of the painting that no one may have noticed from one glance, and to make people comprehend the story concealed behind every masterpiece. Of course, Jaemin took a photo of Renjun’s silhouette complimenting the visuals of the famous painting, Starry Night by Van Gogh. 

_“Beautiful”_ Jaemin uttered. 

_“I know right!”_ Renjun caught in the raptures of his heart, thrilled to explore the museum. 

If only Jaemin could make it as his lock screen, he would but he and Renjun already talked about it. The truth is none of their friends know about their blossoming relationship just because they want to avoid being bombarded with questions. They would also like to keep track of their romantic milestones, which feels like an invasion of their privacy. Plus, Jaemin could infer from the way Renjun retracted his hand away from him when surrounded by various silhouettes of people that he’s not warmed up to the feeling yet; therefore making their relationship lowkey. 

They're not in a rush anyways.

They both agreed to take things slow. 

_"Injun-ah,"_ Jaemin groaned when Renjun manually adjusted the release lever, the passenger’s seat abruptly reclined backwards, his hands clinging over to the older’s waist and pulled him down. Renjun hovered above him, his eyes glazed with lust, and thinking of many scenarios of how to make Jaemin feel good. Making out in Jaemin's car while listening to music isn't what they have planned after a splendid night but there's nothing wrong with adding some impromptu. He could feel his body flushed with arousal when Renjun's lips kept on ravaging his neck and grinding on his bulge.

 _“You made me feel good last time, let me repay you for that.”_ Renjun whispered seductively to his ear before he’s nibbling on his earlobe down to licking a stripe of his neck. His hands slowly took off his jacket, uncovered his toned up abs beneath and started caressing it up and down. He was pleased to see Jaemin rutting against his cock, letting out incoherent noises. 

All of the sudden, Renjun’s phone rang. The older got up from his lap but his legs were slightly sore from his position. He grabbed the phone from his pocket, and answered the call. It was Renjun’s mother, and they talked using their mother tongue. From what Jaemin could comprehend, his mother asked where they are and if they’re on the way home. 

Well they were on the way home, it’s just that they had a stopover. 

Jaemin insisted to switch positions that he’ll drive on the way to his house, so that Renjun could rest, and they did. Renjun slept along the way, he didn’t notice they had already arrived at Jaemin’s house sooner. Jaemin woke him up and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. _“Thanks Injunnie for today. I really had fun today.”_ he uttered. 

_“I also had fun too, thanks Jaemin-ah.”_

_“Oh before I forgot,”_ Jaemin pointed at the hot cup of tea from the cup holder in between them. Turns out he managed to stop by a drive thru and gave it to Renjun to uplift himself from his drowsy state. This is the first time he saw Renjun give him a sweetest smile. Renjun had pulled him in to place a peck on his cheek before he was left alone in the car, waiting for his senses to wake and drive all the way home. 

×××

A day has passed and in no time, they saw each other again through their Theology class. Once Jaemin saw Renjun, he already had the urge to hug him tightly but decided to keep it cool since Hyuck and Jeno are also with him in the same class. He just sat down beside Renjun and talked casually. 

As soon as the bell rang, the professor stood up and discussed Scott Peck’s definition of love. In a teleological perspective, the author defines love as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. It comprises adequate self-love and the will, a strong desire to translate your love into reality through actions in order to willingly extend yourself in becoming better and also for your partner. The professor went on with the lecture while the best friends started to think if they also felt the spiritual love. Throughout the class, they kept on stealing glances from one another, like they would nod at every point raised by the professor. Their friendship is a strong foundation for their love to continuously bloom and Jaemin feels secure that he's in the arms of solace that only Renjun could provide. 

When their Theology class ended, Jeno and Hyuck devoted themselves to their own thesis so they parted ways from them. Jaemin and Renjun's workload is a bit more complacent in contrast to the other couple since they don’t have a thesis subject however they were both swamped with research papers, quizzes and a lot of substantial readings. 

When they ordered in the restaurant, Jaemin stood behind Renjun and whispered to him, _“I kinda wanna take you out today.”_

Renjun instantly bit his lip sensually as he unconsciously moaned from the blunt words. He hums, anticipating Jaemin to say more but he realized he's next in line to order food. 

Once they have successfully ordered the food and went to the condo with their takeout lunch, they could feel the steadfast sexual tension in between, in the hopes of devouring one another. They figured that they still have ample time to make way for resolving it. Renjun met Jaemin's eyes and they were abashed but also bodies electrified by their naughty thoughts. They could have kissed right then and there but as soon as Renjun opened the door, they were bummed out to see Chenle slouched down sitting on the table, staring into the wilderness of his own thoughts. 

_“You’re not at the computer shop? This feels… refreshing.”_ Renjun bewildered at the sight and also slightly raised his voice, sounding a bit irritated. I mean in Renjun’s defense, Chenle still lives there, but it’s odd to see him on a Monday afternoon and not playing… and kinda ruining the moment. 

_“I’m trying to think of what I can do to make this day productive without playing any mobile games.”_ Chenle said, not even looking at them. 

_“You don’t have class today?”_ Jaemin asked, trying his best to hide his subtle annoyance of the situation. 

Chenle shook his head. _“More like I’m trying to avoid someone cause I can’t stand seeing his face for a while.”_ He clarified. 

_“I’m just gonna read the slides for tomorrow’s quiz in my Design and Development for Computer Games elective. Pretty sure I need to ace that.”_ Chenle added as he sat down on the chair and browsed through his phone for the powerpoint files. On the other hand, the two sat down with him and ate lunch. 

The air is thick with awkward silence, and Chenle is trying to simmer it down by initiating a conversation.

 _“Why are you two so quiet? Do you guys want me to leave or something?”_ and they almost involuntarily nodded at the statement but it was easily answered with _“Well, I’m not leaving. Just ignore my presence I guess… but I know it wouldn’t make a difference so go on with the usual things you do.”_

But they still ate silently, munching on the food… and waiting for Chenle to leave but sadly, he really did stay and memorize for his elective quiz… at least he tried until he came up with a better idea.

 _“Oh Jaemin hyung, I forgot to tell you something…”_ Renjun already shot a glare at him while eating but Chenle remained nonchalant. 

_"Unf, Na Jaemin what do I do with you?"_ Chenle tried to imitate Renjun's voice but in a vulgar way. 

_"YAAA! It's not anything near that at all!"_ Renjun protested but Chenle contested saying it is exactly the same tone. Jaemin chuckled at their banter but doesn't know what to believe anymore. 

The day might have been not what the best friends expected but it was filled with new memories as Chenle had this devious grin on his face, ready to spill some tea. And he did, which created a ruckus inside the condo wherein Chenle ran for his life, maintaining a distance between him and Renjun. He basically exposed the older chinese boy with the help of some exaggerated lies (although some of it are true) about the older chinese boy missing Jaemin when he was out for a volunteer event. 

×××

Few weeks later, Renjun invited his friends out for his birthday celebration. They went to a luxurious mall, straight to the amusement arcade. 

Chenle spent most of his time playing basketball or shooting games. Jeno and Renjun played the ice hockey game, but the former still won. Jaemin and Hyuck played tekken earnestly… but we all know Hyuck pressed a lot of buttons that made Jaemin lose, and the younger did the same in the next game. Jeno and Jaemin even had a close game of car racing and all Hyuck could suggest, _“The man with the driver’s license should do it.”_ pertaining to Renjun, which made Chenle giggle. 

Renjun slapped Hyuck’s arm but that didn’t stop the latter from encouraging him to play as well. He played against Jaemin, and the younger thought he should give way to Renjun, but he was taken by surprise by the way Renjun drove recklessly with a newly found confidence. The older chinese boy thought he’s winning but Jaemin instantaneously caught up with him. They got to the finish line at the same time, but the results say there’s only a variance of 2 seconds, leaning towards Renjun. 

All of them cheered for him, even Jaemin. They almost carried him but realized they’re in a public place so they got to keep their noises down. The noise didn’t die down either way when they kept on singing at the karaoke booth and screaming while playing Deal or No Deal. The luck didn’t work though with the multiple times they tried to retrieve the small cute fox plushie from the crane game. 

They teased Renjun, saying they should just get one from a toy store. True to their word, they really went to one and searched for a small cute fox plushie. Chenle and Hyuck felt the urge to heed the call of nature so they went to the CR, so they were left with Jeno. 

And it was dead silent. 

Renjun broke the silence with a question to Jeno.

_“So how are you and Hyuck?”_

_“Well, we’re overwhelmed with thesis, so we don’t have much babe time. I wanna make it up for it, you know… like take him out on a date or something when the semester ends.”_ Jeno opened up to them. 

_“I’m sure he will like that.”_

_“How about you and Jaemin?”_

Jaemin’s eyes are blown wide with his inquiry. Renjun turned the other way around, pretending to search for something to dodge the question. Luckily, Jeno altered the question immediately. _“I mean not you guys as a couple… like just Jaemin and Renjun as individuals, you know? You guys are a bit overreacting with the question.”_

But before Renjun and Jaemin could answer, the paging speakers were on, the instrumental music gradually faded away. 

_“On behalf of the store, we would like to greet Huang Renjun a happy 9th birthday! We hope you will have a good day ahead!”_ It was announced publicly. 

Oh how Renjun came for Chenle and Hyuck’s head the moment he saw them. All of them cackled in laughter while the birthday boy felt embarrassed. 

Still, Renjun treated them out to the finest Chinese restaurant they could find. He introduced them to his favorite, hot pot. Their table brandishing a variety of raw meat, seafood, leafy vegetables and kinds of noodles, which is truly enticing for their eyes. 

Ending the birthday celebration with watching a horror movie in a cinema. Renjun isn’t fond of such genre because he gets scared easily, but he thought that if he’ll watch with his friends, it becomes bearable. It was in the beginning but he started leaning onto Jaemin’s shoulder, his eyes shut and hiding his face whenever there’s a jumpscare. The younger cooed and combed through his hair. As soon as Renjun noticed that the plot starts to unravel the supernatural, he chickened out and told Jaemin he’s gonna stay in the bathroom and listen to some music for his scary thoughts to drift away. 

So he left and really did listen to music in the bathroom. It felt eerie to be alone so he’s thinking of wandering alone outside of the cinema. That plan was scrapped once he saw Jaemin come in when he opened the stall door. 

_“Are you okay?”_ Jaemin is worried about him.

 _“I figured you needed some company, so that you wouldn’t be scared here alone.”_ He continued. 

Renjun had this broad smile of unfeigned delight, moved by his utmost concern. _“I’m fine. I’m just glad you are here too.”_

 _“So what do you suggest we should do here?”_ as Jaemin takes a step forward towards Renjun. It may have caught the older off guard, his breathing got heavier, but he didn’t back down as his eyes scanned through the boy in front of him, his dark gray linen shirt flawlessly flaunting a bit of his chest. Jaemin cleared his throat, reached for his chin and tilted his face up, _“Eyes here, Renjun-ah.”_ Jaemin tauntingly teased him. 

_“And tell me what you want.”_ as Jaemin slowly brushed his thumb over Renjun’s lips. 

The older cupped his cheeks and tugged him closer, chasing his lips. Jaemin responded with the same level of eagerness, biting and sucking his lower lip. Renjun linked his arms around Jaemin's neck while the latter's hands reached for the stall door to open it as they walked backwards inside the cubicle without breaking the kiss. 

  
**//s**

As they got in, Jaemin locked the door shut and before he could take the lead, Renjun pushed him and pinned him against the wall and kept on ravaging his neck, which made Jaemin grunt. 

_"I haven't answered your question, but…"_ Renjun managed to say while kissing. 

The younger felt so weak within his touch as the way his hands palmed his hardened cock through the layers, applying light pressure. Renjun pulled away and looked at him, eyes glinting with lust. 

_"Jaemin-ah, I want this cock in me."_ Jaemin curled his lip, his predatory eyes undressing him, his mind thinking of ways to make his birthday memorable. 

He spun them around, and messily slothed their lips together as he pinned Renjun against the wall. His hands deftly unbuckle his belt, and with one swift down, Renjun was free from his confines but it tickles to feel the cold breeze against his skin. 

_"Suck"_ he ordered him, as he put his three fingers up to his mouth. Renjun obliged to his request, sucking them harder, making it slick. When it was deemed wet, Jaemin retracted his fingers and circled one around his hole. He inserted one finger and he could feel the smaller squirm around the intrusion. He kept on thrusting one until adding another, scissoring his hole with his fingers. Renjun tried to stifle his moans by biting on his hand as Jaemin's other hand travelled up under his shirt and started to fondle over his nipple. His chest heaving, basking under the glow and sweat, Jaemin wanted to mark him up, on another day when they're official. It doesn't help that he added another finger, and hit his prostate. This excruciating stimulation almost made Renjun cum, _"A-ahh I don't think I'd last long, Nana."_ which made Jaemin stir up, hearing how he sensually pleaded for him, his nickname.

Renjun whimpered at the loss of touch but he gulped in excitement as Jaemin ridded himself of his lower clothes, mouth watered at the sight. Jaemin spat on his hand, spreading on it his length before he held on his waist, while the other lining his head at his hole. _"Are you sure?"_ Jaemin asked him, and the other nodded frantically. 

The smaller elicited a high-pitched moan once Jaemin lifted him up, and pushed it inside. The younger hissed at the contact, he could already feel his clenched tight walls but let Renjun before he thrusted in again. He sensually swiped his tongue on his lips, not sliding it in, just indulging the soft lips before they connected their lips with an open mouthed kiss, swallowing Renjun's moans. His hand kneading the soft skin on his thighs down to his plump ass, feeling him up even more. 

By Jaemin gradually increasing the pace, they broke the kiss and breathed heavily, lips parted. Renjun's hand clawed in his back, holding onto him tightly as Jaemin kept on pounding him relentlessly. He could feel the younger's hot laboured breathing against his neck, spurring him even more. 

_"Fuck, there! There Jaemin-ah! Hnngh"_ He pleaded.

_"I thought you wanted this lowkey, huh?"_

_"Ahghhh, Jaem—… I do, but how can I—ah! When your stupid cock is so big."_ Renjun breathed out. 

They could feel their own release in any minute, warning each other that they're close until the coil in their stomach reached the edge. Renjun spurted on the younger's stomach while he could feel Jaemin spilling his cum inside, dripping down his thighs. They panted in unison, as Jaemin slowly dropped his legs. Renjun felt a numbing sensation from his wobbly legs but he's certain that this will not be the last. 

**//s**

_"That felt so good."_ Renjun broke the silence. 

_"You felt so good."_ Jaemin complimented as they were wearing their discarded clothes on the floor. 

Their temporary after sex feeling vanished once they heard someone enter the bathroom, emerging them back to the reality. Jaemin immediately sat on the toilet while Renjun panicked and sat on the younger's lap instead and lifted his legs up. 

_"Nana,"_ a voice called for him, and identified it right away as Jeno. Jaemin was startled and so the only thing he could think of was humming like he was taking a dump. 

Jeno sighed, _"You've been here for too long, are you okay?_ " 

_"Yeah I… I'm fine."_ Jaemin uttered. 

_"That's good to know, although have you seen Renjun? He's been out of reach."_ Jeno asked. 

They're on the brink of getting caught. Renjun mouthed on what they should do now. It took long enough for Jaemin to respond, _"Actually… Jeno uhmmm…"_

 _"I asked Renjun to buy tissue paper… that's kinda why I'm stuck here cause I don't want this icky feeling around my butt. You know what I mean? Although of course, don't tell anyone."_ Jaemin excused, his voice softened while Renjun tried to stifle his giggle. 

_"Oh… yeah. I get it. Just make sure you guys go back there. Y'all missing out the fun."_ Jeno said before he left. Once they heard no footsteps, they started laughing at his excuse. Renjun got off his lap and they unlocked the door, finally out of the cubicle. They couldn't hold in their laughter.

_"You took a dump? And asked me to buy tissue? You never cease to amaze me, Nana."_

Jaemin could feel his heart flutter whenever Renjun said his nickname, like they’ve reached a stage of vulnerability, extending oneself to the other but his heart also feels heavy, like it's incomplete. 

They went back to their seats. Renjun feels ecstatic, he shared an intimate moment with Jaemin and he couldn't stop thinking about it. Whenever he closes his eyes, the ghost of Jaemin's lips linger, savouring the moment. He could vividly remember how Jaemin explored every detail of his delicate skin. It is a huge step up from the previous attempts they had and he had no regrets sharing it with him. It's now in the list of his favorite birthday gifts, alongside the iPad and his calligraphy pen from his parents. This birthday celebration is one for the books. 

Renjun thought Jaemin would also share the same kind of vibe but it wasn't the case. He observed how Jaemin had this wistful smile. He was silent the whole time. I mean yes, Jaemin is a shy type of guy but not with his friends, so he knows something's wrong. He wanted to approach him, but he couldn't… not when Hyuck is nagging him. 

So when everyone got home, Renjun decided to call Jaemin immediately. The younger didn’t pick it up at first until after two missed calls. 

_“Mm, Injun-ah?”_ Jaemin greeted softly, but he could hear him sniffing his nose. 

_“Are you okay? I noticed you seemed off after we uhh—”_ Renjun asked, genuinely concerned for him. 

_“Injun-ah… I know that we both signed up on this lowkey relationship… yet why does it feel so wrong?”_ Renjun could feel his piercing tone but before he could ask why, the younger continued telling him his thoughts. 

_“I told myself I am gonna wait for you until you feel comfortable about telling others, and I will… but I couldn’t stand this kind of feeling. These pent up frustrations keep on adding up, and worse, I couldn’t tell anyone so the only person I could talk to… is you.”_

Renjun could hear Jaemin trying to stifle his sobs. He wants to give him the tightest hug he deserves but he realized that he’s the reason behind his misery right now. 

_“I know labels aren't something you should demand for but my heart doesn’t feel at ease with this false sense of hope, especially when all I want is you.”_ Jaemin confessed. 

Renjun could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He's been under his bubble of happiness without realizing the effect on Jaemin. Worst of all, he would've continued unintentionally exploiting Jaemin's feelings if he didn't bring this up. He doesn't mean to harm him but he ended up doing it anyway; thus, he feels like he's not worthy to love someone or to be loved in that matter. 

_"I'm gonna be fine, Injun-ah. Don't worry about me and let me handle this on my own… I don't want you to make it official out of sympathy… Fuck, I shouldn't have even said it."_ He cursed out, feeling guilty for involving Renjun with his agony. 

_"No, Nana. You have every right to tell me and I really do appreciate your honesty. Just because we keep it behind doors doesn't mean we're not in a relationship. You don't have to go through it alone."_ Renjun wanted to hold his hand but he couldn't. He wanted to kiss him and tell him it's alright, but he couldn't. He wanted to be there for him, but he couldn't especially at this hour. All he could ever do now is to tell him the truth. 

_"The reason why I wanted our relationship to be lowkey is because of the expectations. You know how much our friends tease us that we could be a perfect couple and I think we are, no doubt… I am not blaming them per se, but for once, I just don't wanna feel pressured that we wouldn't live up to what they expect."_ Renjun sighed. 

Jaemin slightly chuckled while sniffing his nose again. He is familiar with his dilemma somehow.

 _"I understand that… the peer pressure. I literally thought I have feelings for you just because of the continuous teasing, but it's not the case. I am madly in love with you because of you, not for the feeling. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, so don't be preceded by fear. In the end, we should always pursue our own happiness and flourish together at our own pace, not fulfilling expectations. If you're afraid to tell our friends, it's fine by me. I will wait… I know, it's scary to put it out there but maybe you should take your own word for it: you don't have to go through it alone."_ Renjun smiled at his words. 

In the spur of the moment, Renjun almost slipped out the three words to him but didn't. These three words which earnestly entails on commitment that embodies his true intentions, but he doesn't want to aggravate their situation with more ambiguity. In that moment, Renjun feels more certain that he has an answer and now he's ready to internalize it.

 _"Nana, I think I'm ready."_ Renjun uttered.

 _"That early? Don't you need some time to process this? Are you sure this isn't your impulse talking?"_ Jaemin reassured. 

Renjun hummed in agreement. 

_"I'm ready since I know you'll be there for me whatever happens, and that's what matters."_ Jaemin smiled and murmured, _"I—... never mind."_

Renjun already knew what it meant, and he couldn't stop himself from blushing. He will say those three words to him soon, but for now, they have to brace themselves for the impending questions and loud cheering from their close friends. At least now, they're slowly taking steps in resolving the blurry lines of their relationship. 

**Author's Note:**

> there’s no continuation after this... but i hope y’all like it tho! this fic is inspired from listening to these songs, this is how you fall in love by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler, and Tightrope by Zayn. 
> 
> For more au’s and videos, follow @mlcoffee98 at twt ✨


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